shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
