what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
