you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
