You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
