Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
