His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
