I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I supernannyed him into submission
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
