apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
