Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I'm gonna have a badass scar
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Randomize
