Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Randomize
