mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
