Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
