you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
