never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
