You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
