do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
