I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
