is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Randomize
