omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
