Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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