What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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