I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
