The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
