Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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