he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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