I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
