Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
