dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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