Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
