guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
