what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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