I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Randomize
