Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
