We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
