Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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