I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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