pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
