If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
