Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
