My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
