I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
