I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
