I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
