I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I am naked and annoyed.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
