We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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