Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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