He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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