So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
someone get that fucking seahorse.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
