I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Im part way to drunk.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
