i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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