I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
