I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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