I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
